Anthropologist Jean Liedloff, in her 1975 book The Continuum Concept, bemoans the fact that Western parents are so out of touch with their natural instincts about parenting that they have to consult books written by experts. We may lament our inability to figure it out for ourselves, but we might as well evaluate which books are helpful and which are not.

Barbara Coloroso, author of the bestselling Kids Are Worth It! Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline, has received kudos for her approach, the hallmarks of which are that thoughtful parenting takes time and commitment, that kids deserve respect, and that parents should teach kids how to think rather than what to think. The book offers real, practical alternatives to nagging, saying “no” constantly, and fighting with our kids.

In Parenting with Wit and Wisdom, Coloroso attempts to apply these same principles to difficult family situations such as serious illness, death, and divorce. Unfortunately, she is far less successful here.

Coloroso believes that the lessons imparted in the first book will stand parents and children in good stead when bad things happen. The problem is that if she’s right, this second book is somewhat redundant. There are long, depressing discussions of how miserable everyone feels but how the parent must nonetheless behave in spite of it all. Coloroso also gets carried away with acronyms and wise quotations. The parent who turns to this book in the midst of crisis could be forgiven for wondering how on earth to impart optimism (the “O” in the “T.A.O. of Parenting” – T is for Time, A is for Affection) in the face of job loss, a spouse’s infidelity, or the death of a child. To Coloroso’s credit, the final chapter is reminiscent of what was best about Kids Are Worth It!, with excellent discussions about why kids act out, why punishment fails, and how to help kids make good when they mess up. But it seems tacked on, and only highlights the rest of the book’s inadequacy.

Sometimes the best parenting books aren’t really parenting books at all, but personal stories about parenthood – think Erma Bombeck, Marni Jackson, author of The Mother Zone, and Chatelaine columnist Judith Timson, author of Family Matters. British Columbia writer Jo Owens’ Add Kids, Stir Briskly is a new and welcome addition. Owens and her partner were struggling with university studies, student loans, and part-time jobs when they became parents in the late 1980s, and she often questions their sanity in doing so. She juggles kids, coursework, and the constant challenge to make ends meet while obsessing about environmental disaster and career choices. Owens writes in a youthful vernacular, capturing her own neuroses with rare and delightful self-knowledge. She also nails the emotional swings that surround parenthood – the all-consuming love, the worry and guilt and occasional anger, and the sometimes negative effects on the marital relationship – while presenting many endearing tableaus of her son and daughter at play.

The title comes from Owens’ love of food. For her, cooking is like therapy; when everything threatens to fall apart – and when it’s going well – she immerses herself in the preparation of delicious, healthy meals, an activity that nourishes both her family and her belief in herself. Each chapter ends with a recipe – a forgivable gimmick, considering the recipes are mouth-watering and written in the same entertainingly rambling style as the rest of the book.

This book is valuable not for the advice it imparts (while disdaining daycare and espousing the family bed, Owens never preaches), but for how it reflects readers’ own experience. Mothers, especially, will be nodding their heads in recognition and gratitude.