Seventeen-year-old Iris, who dreams of becoming an actress, is excited to be performing as Ophelia in her school play. When the charming director, Mick, takes a personal interest in her, Iris embarks on an illicit relationship with the 31-year-old. Ignoring signs that Mick isn’t the man he appears to be, Iris finds herself drawn into a dark and solitary world where she must try to make sense of an impossible situation.

Author and teacher Monique Polak takes a direct approach in depicting her young protagonist’s journey into a relationship marked by deceit, isolation, and physical abuse. The message for readers is made obvious as Mick separates Iris from her friends and family, exerts increasing control over her every move, and gradually changes from gentle lover to harsh critic and punisher.  

Iris’s attempts to explain and excuse Mick’s behaviour are frustrating, but they are an accurate reflection of victim mentality. Iris is a contradictory mix of naive innocence and a mature ability to analyze herself and others. Though her language is at times  too adult, her internal monologue provides many important insights.

The book is most poignant in the frank scenes depicting the aftermath of physical violence. Iris’s fear is tangible as she hides in a closet trying to rationalize Mick’s abuse, or attempts to apply enough makeup to hide her bruises while rehearsing a cover story to use with her mother and friends. There is no obvious happy ending for Iris, but it’s made clear that family and friends will provide the support she needs to eventually find her way out of the darkness.

So Much It Hurts provides a detailed anatomy of a young girl’s descent into the nightmare of an abusive relationship that is both accessible and thought provoking.