Dear Agony Editor,

A few years ago, I went to my friend’s book launch. I bought his book, had him sign it, took it home, and put it on my bookshelf. But I never read it, despite my best intentions. A couple of months ago, I published a novel, and my friend emailed me a very thoughtful response after he read it. I feel like a jerk. Do I read his book, apologize for being so late, and offer my thoughts? Or do I just let it go?

Signed,

Silent Friend 

Dear Silent Friend,

If you respond to your friend now, it’s not about him. It’s about you making yourself feel better about doing something you should have done years ago.

The reason you are thinking of reading your friend’s book is because he read yours and reached out to you – and to be frank, that’s what good friends do. They acknowledge one another in meaningful ways. While I’m certain your friend appreciated your presence at his launch, as well as your purchase of his book, I’m even more certain he would have appreciated you reading the book. 

We all make mistakes and carry regret about the things we did or didn’t do. Usually, our feelings of guilt serve as our punishment, especially if it’s self-induced. Guilt rarely helps anyone’s situation, but it doesn’t mean we can’t learn from our mistakes. 

Although there’s no guarantee that your lack of response to your friend’s book is no longer on his radar (although it’s likely, given the time that’s passed), stewing about the situation isn’t doing you any good. 

Here’s what I would advise you to do: read your friend’s book and don’t email him. You’ll feel better when you’ve done something that you should have done in the first place. If it comes up in conversation at some point, at least you’ll be able to speak about his book. I have no doubt you’re a good friend to him and that you’ll be there to give him the time and attention he deserves for his next book.