Dear Agony Editor,

I’m working on a novel with characters based on my real life. Specifically, family. I haven’t told anyone and figure I’ll deal with the fall out when the book is published. But I’m feeling a tad guilty about this.

Am I making a mistake or is writing about family something that writers just need to get over?

Signed,

All in the Family

Dear All in the Family,

I met a writer once who closely based his book’s characters on his circle of real-life friends. He confessed to me that he came to regret that decision because he was left with a trail of hurt and anger. And no friends. The worst part? The book tanked, so he couldn’t even take some comfort in its success. I think you should consider his story, All in the Family, because the stakes are real.

Is your art worth the risk of potentially hurting the people closest to you? For some writers, the answer is an unapologetic yes. Other writers won’t even consider their real lives as source material. And for those writers in between, which I think are the majority, finding that right balance is done on a case-by-case basis. The important thing for you to remember is that your writing can profoundly impact the feelings of real people.

That’s not to say hurt feelings are a given, especially if you approach things strategically. There are some simple ways to minimize the chances of someone seeing themselves in your characters. Change up physical appearances or biographical details. Place characters in situations that the real person has never been in.

Remember how your family members see themselves could be completely different from your interpretation. Most importantly, proceed with thoughtful caution. This is your family, after all, and a book won’t bring you chicken soup when you’re sick with the flu.

I’d let your family members know about your book and show it to them prior to publication. Let them make their own decisions about how closely they’re reflected in your work. Chances are they’ll be fine with it. And if they’re not, just think of the money you’ll save on birthday presents.