l to r: Ella Russell and Udayana Lugo

For many of us, hugs are part of everyday life. We hug our family, our friends, our pets, and depending on the circumstances, we even hug people we just met. In North American society, this warm gesture has become normalized, but not everyone is enthusiastic about it. For some, hugs can be deeply uncomfortable, but the societal pressure to participate in them can be intense, especially for children.

In Hugs Are (Not) for Everybody, author Ella Russell and illustrator Udayana Lugo take on this touchy topic with care and charm. The story focuses on a birthday party where everyone is wearing costumes and guests are hugging up a storm – especially the main character, with her top hat, rabbit, and cape. For this bunny-toting party guest, hugs are for saying hello, celebrating a party game win, and birthday wishes. But after an initial flurry of hugs, she begins to encounter resistance – from a child who prefers to wave hello, another who suggests celebrating with a high-five instead, and the birthday girl, who dodges the main character’s hug with a colourful “WHOOSH!”

Illustration: Udayana Lugo.

When the main character realizes that everyone isn’t as comfortable with hugs as she is, she starts exploring other fun options. The party guests fire up their imaginations and, together, they come up with a complicated handshake, complete with footwork, bum-wiggling, and a birthday cake finale.

The story ends with an important reminder to ask for consent:

“So on special days and not-so-special days,
when a hug (or magic) just won’t do,
remember that there are lots of ways to say…
Happy birthday to you!
And all we have to do is ask.”

This sweet social and emotional learning (SEL) book deserves a place in elementary schools, daycares, and bedroom bookshelves. While the main focus seems to be on teaching children that not everyone shows affection in the same way, and to respect bodily autonomy, it also goes a long way toward normalizing consent and making children who don’t like hugging feel more comfortable with their choices.