Dear Agony Editor,

For the entirety of my fiction-writing career, I’ve sought attention for my work and myself. At the same time, I’ve wanted to hide under a rock, praying that no one would read my books. Am I normal?

Signed,

Seesaw

Dear Seesaw,

Yes, you’re normal. 

Especially when you consider your profession. Writers, unlike movie stars, are typically less visible, at least when it comes to their work, and they usually work in isolation. True, there are early readers and editors and agents, but the bulk of your writing is done alone. It’s not exactly a profession for “look-at-me” types. 

If we’re going to be honest, I think most writers prefer to fade into the background. Writers are observers, after all, and you can’t observe if you’re on the bright side of the floodlights. The contrast to this is that, once you have published a book, you need to draw attention to it and yourself. Suddenly, you’re expected to get out there and sell your work to the masses. It’s no wonder you’re feeling the ebb and flow of these two extremes. 

I do wonder if your desire to hide under a rock is connected to what you think attention might bring: expectation, responsibility, and pressure. Your visibility only rises as more people read your work – and the greater your visibility, the greater the likelihood that you will be subjected to other people’s opinions, some of which could be positive, and some of them, well, not so much. It’s an incredibly vulnerable position to be placed in. 

I think many writers struggle with their craft and the necessities of a business based in sales. Keep in mind that attention doesn’t always have to be negative (if that’s your reason for shunning it). Also remember there’s nothing wrong with seeking attention for your work, either. There’s a difference between neediness and believing you have something of value to share. 

I doubt your seesaw will settle anytime soon. The best way to handle your internal conflict is to acknowledge it. Do what feels right in the moment and try not to worry too much about whether you’re normal or not. After all, people who aren’t normal make the most interesting characters – in books, and in real life.