Dear Agony Editor,

I’m in a writing group. One of the members hasn’t attended a meeting in more than two years. When asked, he said he was still interested in participating, to keep him on the email chains, and that he hoped his schedule would clear up shortly. I don’t like the idea of continuing to send him my stories, especially if he’s not providing feedback. I think we should ask him to leave the group and want to discuss this with the others. Am I being petty?

Signed,

Ghost Writer

Dear Ghost Writer,

You’re not being petty. 

While there’s technically no harm in keeping an extra name on an email list, he hasn’t attended a meeting in two years! Sure, he might have good intentions, but it’s clear he doesn’t have the capacity to be a willing and active member of your group. 

All writing groups need a foundation of trust. When you submit something for feedback (a vulnerable experience for most writers), it’s important that you feel your writing is in good hands. In other words, you want the readers to be other writers who provide timely and thoughtful feedback with the intention of helping you improve your work. Isn’t that the whole point of writing groups? (Well, that and gossiping about the publishing industry.) 

But really, you’re there to help yourself and the rest of the group succeed with their ongoing projects. It’s a give-and-take thing. If one member isn’t actively participating and isn’t able to even provide feedback outside of the group meetings, it seems unfair not only to you, but to everyone else in the group. To your point, why should he have access to your work-in-progress if those stories are being sent into a void? 

Out of respect for the group, he should be the one to step up and step out. Based on his response, it’s clear that’s not going to happen. I’d raise the issue with the rest of the group the next time you meet. Chances are, they might feel the same way as you. If so, it’s time to cut the cord. Tell your phantom member that, moving forward, you’ll leave him off the emails. When he’s ready to become an active participant in the group again, he’ll have an open invitation.