Dear Agony Editor,

The other day, an acquaintance said to me in passing, “I read your book.” 

And that was it. No “I liked it,” or “I thought it was interesting.” This has happened to me before and I’m always left hanging. Why would someone bring up my book if they’re not going to talk about it? Are they expecting me to ask a follow-up question? Or maybe they didn’t like the book – so why even mention it? I’m so confused.

Signed,

Dangling

Dear Dangling,

I understand your confusion. It’s like someone saying, “I see you’re doing something a little different with your hair these days,” or “Wow! That sweater really makes a statement.” Our inclination can be to assume the worst if no positive affirmation follows. But I don’t think that’s always the case. 

I’m not going to defend the awkward choices people make in conversations, but I don’t think your acquaintance in this instance realized the impact their words would have on you. They likely just wanted to acknowledge that they had read your work and intended it as a compliment – which is how I think you should interpret it. Reading is an investment, after all, and the fact that someone took the time to read your book, as opposed to doing countless other things – or even reading someone else’s book – implies that they felt your work was worth it. 

I think it’s totally fair to ask, “What did you think of my book?” since they were the one who brought it up in the first place. But before going down that road, I’d ask yourself whether this person’s opinion really matters to you. If the conversation is already awkward, chances are, it won’t get any better.

In future instances, I recommend taking the high road. I’d say, “Thank you for reading it,” and leave it at that. If the person wants to engage you in a conversation about the work, they’ll follow up with a comment or question. 

Try not to fall into a trap of assuming the worst. You can drive yourself up the wall by attempting to decipher the meaning behind people’s words, but it’s a futile exercise. Accept someone’s words as they’re presented to you and avoid drawing any conclusions from what is left unsaid.