Dear Agony Editor,

My boyfriend is constantly complaining about my book collection. Mainly, that it’s overtaking our apartment. I agree I have a lot of books, but I can’t bear the thought of parting with them. They’re like my children. Neither my boyfriend nor I are willing to budge. How do we resolve this?

Signed,

Sir Books-a-Lot

Dear Sir Books-a-Lot,

Relationships are all about compromises. (Well, at least successful relationships.) I understand that, as an avid reader, you want to be surrounded by the things you love, but your boyfriend likely didn’t sign up to live inside of a bookstore. 

Maybe finding a resolution isn’t so much about removing your books as it is refining your book collection. A few years ago, I did the Marie Kondo purge. Kondo’s approach recommends going through your items one by one, touching them, and asking yourself if the item sparks joy. It  sounds a bit silly, especially if you’re holding an appliance instruction manual in your hand, but what you’re really doing is carefully considering your belongings to determine which ones are essential to your emotional well-being. As a result of going through the process, I got rid of a lot of books.

Do I miss them? Not at all. And, when I second guessed my decisions, I reminded myself that I could always re-buy the book. (I have yet to re-buy any books.) 

We all hang on to physical objects. We’re not always sure of the reasons why, only that we feel compelled to keep them for fear of losing them. But sometimes, in losing them, we gain control and perspective. And we highlight what’s truly important – which should be your relationship, not the objects around you. 

While a book’s merits are numerous, a book won’t ask how your day went. It won’t bring you a glass of ginger ale when you’re sick, and it won’t help you pay the bills. So I’d be mindful about who you’re pledging your allegiance to. Take time to go through your collection, get rid of the books that don’t spark joy, and keep the ones that do. 

I’m sure your boyfriend will appreciate your efforts and have no problem with you holding onto what matters most.